It isn’t your partner. It isn’t your Mother or your Father. It isn’t your children.
It must be you.
You are on this earth to realise as much of your potential as you want to.
I routinely ask groups of business owners “who is the most important person in your life?” and only around 10% say “me!”
And even then they hesitate.
Now, allowing for the 30% (I’m being generous) who have the dreaded fear of sticking out and therefore keep their hands between their knees and another 20% (still generous) who fear that saying “me!” is too pushy pushy for this demure island we live in, that leaves a significant number who do not put themselves first.
Now you may recoil at the phrase “put themselves first.”
For the avoidance of doubt…
…as the lawyers would have it, I do not advocate any of this:
- Being self-centred
- Being selfish
- Being uncaring
- Being thoughtless
- Being an island
- Being arrogant
- Mistaking yourself for galactic central point
But you must be the most important person in your life because if you are not it leads to stuff I also do not advocate:
- Being the child in a parent-child relationship between two adults
- Being subservient
- Being submissive (unless of course it’s submissive night round at your house)
- Being a yes man/woman
- Always being second
- Being frustrated
- Being unfulfilled
You must be the most important person in your life because:
- You have a right to try to have the relationships you want
- You have a right to try to realise as much of your potential as you want
- You have a right to act and be treated like an adult
- You have a right to take the risks you want to take most of the time
Now, you will have to compromise.
There is no life without compromise (sadly). But you need to renegotiate any relationship where the default decision on certain issues is the opposite of what you want. I see this happen too often.
Acceptance of a default “no” to what you want is not a compromise. It is to capitulate.
Tough word that is. I looked it up to remind me just how tough:
Capitulate – verb: cease to resist an opponent or an unwelcome demand; surrender.
There are no winners in this situation.
Someone ends up resentful and then the bad behaviour starts. Maybe not immediately but it will start.
So, stand up for yourself.
I am pretty sure that this life is not a rehearsal. You can’t always get what you want but there may be areas in your life where you should be getting what you want a damn site more frequently.
Capitulate? No way.